Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
