Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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