dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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