I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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