That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
