At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
