i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
