you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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