You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
