Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
