CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
