On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
