i can't believe i had my finger in that
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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