either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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