I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
