at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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