how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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