I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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