Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
