i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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