she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
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i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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