I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
