I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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