I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
