Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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