My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
