Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
