Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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