Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
