you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
