Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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