i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
