Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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