My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
