That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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