She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
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Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
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I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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