He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
