My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
