My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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