Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
