I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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