Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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