My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
