i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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