Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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