Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
