But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
