Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My liver just broke up with me...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
