my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
