...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
