i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
