oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
