I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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