Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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