Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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