i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
