You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
