A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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