my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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