I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
