i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
