Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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