how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
