I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
