Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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