I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
