Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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