Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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