Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
