im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
