Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
